Ami at I.Am.Mental writes about the
children under her care and one that is a large challenge.
She hasn’t given up on him and he is
improving.
Our first born is autistic. He was a
challenge, to put it mildly. Now 47, he lives independently in Seattle and is a
professional dishwasher. On the side he sells newspapers on a corner in the
Wallingford neighborhood. Recently, he lost his job of eight years to the
wonderful victory of Social Justice Warriors in raising the minimum wage in
Seattle. He now works in a restaurant outside the Seattle city limits.
One thing was clear to me during the many
conferences we attended at schools. The ‘professionals’ didn’t like him, not at
all. The more they pushed behavior modification, the more he pushed back.
Then he got a teacher, Mark Hammond by
name. Mark talked to us and said he thought our son could learn and wanted to
drop the behavior modification model and try teaching basic academics. We told
him to go for it.
This required a high level of trust
between teacher and parents. Mark would literally sit on our son, hold his head
in his hands to force eye contact, and say,
“Sean, A,B,C, etc.”
It worked. He started learning, and the
behaviors diminished. The more he was treated as a regular kid, the more he
acted like a regular kid. One teacher, who didn’t give up, saved a kid from
life in an institution. That was during the time “deinstutional” was gathering
steam so he probably would be homeless or dead.
This shouldn’t be taken as rant against
behavior modification techniques. Rather, it is a rant against adults who don’t
see children as unique human beings.
Having handicapped children can crush you
or temper you. My ex and I, already activists, became involved in many endeavors.
The draft legislation for the Washington Education For All Act was written on
our dining room table and she lobbied for two years to get it passed. I worked
my ass off so she could. We were the first officers of the Seattle Chapter of a
national organization focused on autism.
I became involved in local politics and was a precinct committeeman for
years, first as a Republican and then as a Democrat.
Forced out our comfort zone, we became
acquainted with people we would never have otherwise known. Professionally, it
helped me.
Our marriage failed after twenty two
years. I don’t blame the stresses of our children’s problems alone but
recognize it as a factor. There were health issues, financial issues, and personality conflicts. She
has a Mensa IQ and the common sense of a dead roach. My nickname, “The Tank”,
speaks to my problem solving approach. Subtle and patient are words seldom
mention by people describing me.
Example.
Problem. Job site is shut down because
bears are helping themselves to the worker’s lunches.
Solution. Fire up a chain saw and charge
the bears. It worked.
We did the counseling thing, etc., but
finally she bailed leaving me to raise the two younger children, one with a
touch of Asperger’s Syndrome. They
turned out to be responsible adults but with some big bumps along the way.
So, a big shout out to Ami and all the
people like her that work with children.
To paraphrase an old saying, they may not
change the world, but they can change one child’s world.
