Reflections on Mortality

Yesterday Banner’s “Treat Lady” was taken by ambulance to a hospital where she died. Not unexpected in a 92 unit senior housing apartment. She is the third resident to die in the past thirty days.

The reflection part comes from considering one’s personal obligations to others and one’s self as we age. This woman had a demanding selfish side and a refusal to make an effort to improve her health. Most of the residents here will help each other as needed. Such help is voluntary and freely given. What changes is when the help is demanded. This woman ended her days sitting alone in her apartment.

This building, prior to COVID, was becoming a vibrant community. Then came two years of isolation. Slowly the community part is coming back. Informal gatherings for conversations are becoming the norm. The jigsaw puzzle fanatics are busy. A pool table was donated and sees a lot of use. The Coven is back with their dice game. What is required of an individual is to get off their asses and make the effort to join in. This is where Arlene, the “Treat Lady” didn’t do her part.

For my part, I occasionally drove Arlene in her van around town and would bring her groceries up to her apartment. Others would take her trash to the dumpster. All of us became weary of her demands.

At what point do we stop being our brother’s and sister’s keeper? What obligation has the “brother or sister” to those around them?

Medical science keeps me alive by means of a CPAP and pacemaker. My biggest fear is becoming a burden on others, having been fiercely independent my entire life.  Someone’s death always makes me reflect on my life and how I interact with others. To the extent possible, my affairs are in order.

Last night sitting in the lobby chatting with neighbors, I watched Arlene’s two adult sons and one daughter-in-law cross the lobby after coming from her apartment. Their body language spoke of their pain and anger, not sadness. My hope is, when my time comes, my family won’t feel the same.