Car War Stories

Get four car people together along with some adult beverages and the stories start. We were discussing dumb customers and I offered a story of one dumb customer.

Renton, WA around 1996, we had a red Honda Civic stuck back in the corner that was a “bad car”. The question was to send it to a salvage yard or spend money fixing it.

A couple in their thirties come onto the lot and “landed” themselves on this Honda. Figuring me to be a lying car salesman who was “saving” the car for some favored customer, they insisted on a test drive. OK, get three sets of keys and dig it out. At least the battery held enough charge to start it.

Test drive over, they want to buy it. I tried to show them other cars which only convinced them the car was a steal. So in we go and I do the paperwork and get their money.

At the dealership we used a “We Owe” form to put all promises in writing.  My manager flat told them he thought it was a “bad car”. Further, he would prefer to sell them a “good car”. They signed a We Owe with the following statement, “We have been informed by the manager of Sunset Cars he considers this a “bad car”. We choose to buy it anyway”.

Within two weeks they found out the manager didn’t lie. Somewhere between Ellensburg and Yakima the engine sized and they lost control and crashed.

They then show up at the dealership demanding their money back plus expenses related to the car failure. After being politely told to wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which filled first, they left.

At the time, the Washington State Attorney General’s Office investigated complaints against car dealers. They were hardly neutral and would come into a business with an attitude. The customer had filed a complaint and an AG Investigator showed up. 

Our manager went to the back room, found the file, copied the We Owe, and handed the copy to the AG dudette. He then pointed to the door and went back to his desk. Later said it was a very satisfying moment.

My friends had their own stories but, on that occasion, mine was the best.

A Black Thing

Another car sales story with blatant racial overtones. Alert the (P)regressives.

While working an offsite sale with several dealerships involved, a coworker, Karl, called me over. Seems I was the only white boy among the four salesmen by the entrance.

Karl, a black man, had a black customer. The customer wanted to test drive a pickup.

  “No problem”, said Karl. “Let me make a copy of your driver’s license”.

   “Is that some kind of ‘back thing’, that you need my license?”, asked the customer. Karl looked at him, then looked at his own forearm, then back to the customer.

   “Yeah, I know you are black”, said the customer. “I still think it is a black thing”.

   “Hey Tank, can you come over here?” Karl called out to me. When I slithered over ( what do you expect from a car salesman) Karl said,

    “This guy thinks making a copy of his drivers license is some sort of a black thing”.

     “No, it is a policy”, I said to the customer. “However, if you want to make it a black thing, let us do a credit app first”.

The customer looks around and sees all the black salesmen cracking up.

Give him credit.

   “Am I being silly”, he asked? When I answered affirmatively, he produced his license, Karl made a copy, and they went off on the test drive.

Had to take a few minutes teasing from the black salesmen. As I recall one comment was,

   “Man, you put the R into redneck”.

Kind of a point here. In those days a lot of teasing went on. It helped make a bond, us against the world. Today’s politically correct climate doesn’t allow people of different colors and backgrounds to get to know one another. Our country is poorer because of political correctness.

Dutch Harbor Story

Rev. Paul in his Way Up North blog likes to feature Dutch Harbor stories.

http://www.mooseintheyard.com/2014/11/police-blotter-tutus-and-drunkards.html

Thought I might contribute a related Dutch Harbor story of my own. Around 1990, I was stuck in a Mitsubishi store in Puyallup, WA that was owned by a multi franchise organization. I was able to sell any of the brands the organization carried.

One day a customer, “Angel”, came in. About 5’ tall, and as round. Redefined androgynous. Who cares, she was a customer. She was from Dutch Harbor, had $10,000 cash to spend, wanted only a brand new vehicle, and insisted on four wheel drive. No new small truck was in her price range. Still, a cash customer. Solution? 

An all wheel drive Tempo. In fact, for her $10,000 we could add superior rust proofing with a warranty! Please understand, this wasn’t a rip-off. At the time, Zibart rust proofing was a huge improvement on anything the factories offered.

Angel was happy with her purchase, and still had enough money left to barge the Tempo to Dutch Harbor. In 2002, happened to be talking to a commercial fisherman from Dutch Harbor. He knew Angel, and remembered she still was driving the Tempo. Given the total of roads there, bet it still hadn’t clocked 100,000 miles. 

I loved the Tempo. It was the perfect no brainer car. There is a class of drivers who don’t like cars, don’t understand them, and only have one out of necessity. All they want is that it starts, drives away when you shift, and is CHEAP. The Tempo was made for them.

I had a subset of Tempo customers, Chinese. Ford had a marketing gimmick printed on the window sticker, a “Value Added Discount”. This was additions like A/C that added up to $660, and was discounted $640. Typical Chinese customer went like this.

    “I’m very poor man. Need large discount”!

    “Look, we have already given you a BIG discount”.

Chinese customers were fun. Hard negotiators, but not time wasters or liars. If they said they had $2,000 down, they weren’t lying. They didn’t come in to “shop”, they came in to buy. The Chinatown Seattle First bank would almost always finance them. The whole secret was to get them laughing.

    "I like you. I send all my friends to see you".

    "Please don't. I can't make any money of you Chinese, and I have a family       to feed".

    "Hah, I send EVERYBODY in Chinatown to see you".

There was little gross profit in a Tempo, but was a good sale towards the monthly volume bonuses, so I was happy to sell them.

Ford replaced the Tempo with the Contour. A superior car in all respects except price, and the no brainer customers didn’t like them.