The No Brainer Masterpiece

For ten years Ford produced and sold the best no brainer car on the market, the Tempo.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ford_Tempo

There are many people who don’t like cars but need one. They want ease of use, cheap to buy, cheap to operate, and stove bolt reliability. That was the Tempo! Turn the key, put it in gear, and drive away. 

I sold scores of Tempos. Not a high profit item, they padded my monthly numbers to push into bonus country. Three or so Escorts, four Tempos, a couple of Taurus and several F-150/F2-50s would push a months earnings into the $7,500-$10,000 range. Loved that car!

What prompted this post was the following:

https://jalopnik.com/could-6-999-for-this-amazingly-clean-1988-ford-tempo-a-1840457266

Which brings me to my favorite Tempo memory. A customer walked in one day. A 4’6” totally androgynous human, she identified herself as “Angel”, a resident of Unalaska (Dutch Harbor) Alaska. She had exactly $10,000 to spend and her other, inflexible requirements, was 4wd and new, no used. She had been shopping for two days all along the Seattle corridor.

In a few hours she was the owner of a blue AWD Tempo. We were able to fit in Ziebart  rust protection and a decent undercoating while staying in her price envelope. Off it went to a barge destined for Dutch Harbor.

We never heard back from her but I’ve often wondered how the Tempo fared in Dutch Harbor.

The European Modendo, sold here as the Contour, replaced the Tempo. Whatever the qualities of the Contour, it was not a no brainer and was far more money. The Tempo buyer types soon looked elsewhere.

About that time the FCC started requiring dealers to disclose the capitalization costs of leases. My store, about 14-20 in nationwide volume, was the #1 Ford Red Carpet Lease store in the country for 14 straight years. Seeing the handwriting writ large, I took my happy ass off to the best used car operation in the area.

Many readers of this blog are smart, or think they are. Whatever, the one truism of the car biz that never changes is, “Bore and Stroke”.

Down payment and monthly payment.

The true cash buyer is extremely rare. The smarter ones have shopped for financing, bank or credit union, and have a loan commitment in their pocket. They call themselves, “cash buyers”. No Bubba, you are not but I can probably get you in and out in a couple of hours. That works for me so I will play your game, almost to the end.

Dutch Harbor Story

Rev. Paul in his Way Up North blog likes to feature Dutch Harbor stories.

http://www.mooseintheyard.com/2014/11/police-blotter-tutus-and-drunkards.html

Thought I might contribute a related Dutch Harbor story of my own. Around 1990, I was stuck in a Mitsubishi store in Puyallup, WA that was owned by a multi franchise organization. I was able to sell any of the brands the organization carried.

One day a customer, “Angel”, came in. About 5’ tall, and as round. Redefined androgynous. Who cares, she was a customer. She was from Dutch Harbor, had $10,000 cash to spend, wanted only a brand new vehicle, and insisted on four wheel drive. No new small truck was in her price range. Still, a cash customer. Solution? 

An all wheel drive Tempo. In fact, for her $10,000 we could add superior rust proofing with a warranty! Please understand, this wasn’t a rip-off. At the time, Zibart rust proofing was a huge improvement on anything the factories offered.

Angel was happy with her purchase, and still had enough money left to barge the Tempo to Dutch Harbor. In 2002, happened to be talking to a commercial fisherman from Dutch Harbor. He knew Angel, and remembered she still was driving the Tempo. Given the total of roads there, bet it still hadn’t clocked 100,000 miles. 

I loved the Tempo. It was the perfect no brainer car. There is a class of drivers who don’t like cars, don’t understand them, and only have one out of necessity. All they want is that it starts, drives away when you shift, and is CHEAP. The Tempo was made for them.

I had a subset of Tempo customers, Chinese. Ford had a marketing gimmick printed on the window sticker, a “Value Added Discount”. This was additions like A/C that added up to $660, and was discounted $640. Typical Chinese customer went like this.

    “I’m very poor man. Need large discount”!

    “Look, we have already given you a BIG discount”.

Chinese customers were fun. Hard negotiators, but not time wasters or liars. If they said they had $2,000 down, they weren’t lying. They didn’t come in to “shop”, they came in to buy. The Chinatown Seattle First bank would almost always finance them. The whole secret was to get them laughing.

    "I like you. I send all my friends to see you".

    "Please don't. I can't make any money of you Chinese, and I have a family       to feed".

    "Hah, I send EVERYBODY in Chinatown to see you".

There was little gross profit in a Tempo, but was a good sale towards the monthly volume bonuses, so I was happy to sell them.

Ford replaced the Tempo with the Contour. A superior car in all respects except price, and the no brainer customers didn’t like them.