Offensive and Rude Stereotyping

Traffic offenses I would like to see enacted and enforced.

DWA
Driving while Asian

DWM
Driving while Mexican

DWA
Driving while African

DWE
Driving while elderly

DWCP
Driving while Cell Phoning

DWG
Driving while gansta

DWHUA
Driving with Head Up Ass

MDBF
Mountain Driving by Flatlander

DTTinMA
Driving Turnip Truck in Metro Area

DMVLMV
Driving minivan like a minivan

DLDH
Driving like a Dirt Hauler

DLM
Driving like me

Feel free to add your own.

Doltish Drivers

I spend a lot of time on the road and try to stay alert by exercising my brain. One of these exercises is seeing if there is a link between doltish drivers and specific vehicles. The obvious, in Colorado, is a Subaru. A minority are going like the hammers of hell and the rest need a glass belly button to see where they are going. Less obvious, but the one that gets my vote, are drivers of Chevrolet HHR retro panel trucks.

What are your suggestions?

Fools

Driving over an 11,000 foot mountain pass, on snow pack, with a doughnut spare. The direction of travel was AWAY from a possible tire repair and/or tire store.

Yes, the driver was female, and blond.

Same Sentiment, Fewer Obscenities

Many thanks to Texas Ghostrider for providing FOCUS! Very useful stress reliever.

http://texasghostrider.blogspot.com/2010/06/focus-drivers-focus.html

My part time job is evaluating preproduction cars and trucks. The requirements are to drive specific routes in specific ways while performing various tests and recording and reporting results. The vehicles have numerous “black boxes” and are GPS equipped. Everything is recorded; no excuses. The job is not overly difficult unless you take pride in doing it well.

The other day, the task was driving a SUV pulling a trailer. The trailer is equipped with a “sail” to increase wind resistance and loaded with weights to bring the whole load to the maximum rated vehicle gross weight capacity. The route includes Vail Pass, altitude 10,603 feet. The temperature at the summit was 73 degrees F. That put the density altitude at 14,000 feet plus (I don’t have the barometric pressure). Engines operate on density altitude and lose about 2% rated power per thousand feet. On this day, my vehicle’s engine, and all others not turbo or supercharged, was putting out about 60% rated sea level standard day power. In summary, the SUV was loaded to the max, pulling a 6% grade, automatic transmission, with slightly more than half the usual power. This resulted in 42 mph, 1 st gear, 400 rpm from red line. Perfect conditions for overheating and mechanical breakdowns and nothing in reserve.

Enter please my fellow travelers.

Two men, older POS, having a spirited conversation as evidenced by four hands waving around. FOCUS

Marlon Brando wannabe Harley pack riders, graying hair, Billy Bad Boy attire, out for an excellent putt, at 5 mph under the speed limit, spread out for a half a mile on a two lane mountain road. FOCUS

Any vehicle with a Nebraska plate - county 21. FOCUS

Any Gold colored Toyota Camry. FOCUS

The driver occupying the middle lane with vehicles passing on both sides. FOCUS

The motor home driver with a 5 mph speed differential passing the 18 wheeler doing 35 mph, looking at the sign saying, “Minimum Left Lane Speed 55 mph." FOCUS

Tourists that have been seeing the signs every ten miles since crossing the state line saying, “Keep Right except for Passing.” FOCUS

The list can go on and on but, thanks to Texas Ghostrider, I only need to shout one word instead of several. Yes, they don’t hear me. Yes, it is immature and probably a character defect. For those who think that, FOCUS!

It is always a joyful moment when we pass the red and blue lights and know someone is receiving a good citizen award. (Unless those lights are in my rear window)

Oh, and welcome to Colorado, where our motto is, "Spend your Money then Git".

On a kinder note, visitors from lower elevations should note their lungs are operating at about half capacity. Altitude sickness can ruin your vacation. Feels like flu. Take it easy, keep drinking liquids until you are peeing every thirty minutes, wear sunscreen regardless of your complexion (UV radiation above 8,000' is greater than sea level by a factor of four or more) and seek shade where you can,

Behavior Modification

Friends and family know about my cavalier attitude towards speed limits, traffic signals, stop signs and road conditions while going about my daily business. Take this device in the picture. The street is industrial with no sidewalks, blind driveways, or retail businesses. 35 mph should be the speed limit which is my usual velocity. Today I decided to "be legal". A good thing as local P.D. had a radar unit working the street.

My last encounter with our outstanding officers ended with me beating a stop sign ticket (for once I really was innocent). Our City Attorney said, words to effect, "That is all right, we'll get you next time"!

I willingly concede my driving behavior has been modified. My attitude? Not so much.

Damn Pilgrims - Winter Driving

We are approaching the season of local frustration with our flatlander visitors and recent arrivals driving in our winter wonderland. Here is your first tip; GET OUT OF THE WAY! Stay in the right lane, use pullouts, and know your limitations. Locals have the tires, the experience and the need to get to jobs, day care, etc. Enjoy your experience, be safe, but have some consideration. If your safe speed is 30 mph, the truck in front of you is doing 28 mph, then you DO NOT need to pass him when the safe speed for the locals is 50 mph in the left hand lane. KEEP RIGHT!

Your second tip is this: Don't drive in a blizzard if you have never done it before. I-80 across Western Nebraska and Wyoming is a killer in a blizzard.

Your third tip is this: When your fuel gauge is on one half, you are empty. Don't pass a fuel stop if your tank is at one half or below. Avalanche and wrecks can leave you parked for hours in the middle of nowhere.

I imagine this whole rant is a waste of bandwidth but it makes me feel better.

Watch Out Again

Posted May 10, 2009 about my legendary driving skills. Today I finished training for a seasonal job as a snow plow operator. The picture shows some of the equipment I will be operating at the airport.

The flying public will be safe; the job is only on the public parking lots so no aircraft will be endangered.

This is an on call job so if it snows a lot this winter my 2010 summer travel fund will be fat. By Monday the 4x4 will be checked over, survival food and gear loaded, and the winter clothes taken out of storage and made ready. Past history says being stuck at the airport for three days is possible.

Me pass the tests? Must be low, low standards. (Friends and family, this is you cue to jump to my defense)

Sometimes Life Kicks You In The Gut

Just learned the wife of a good high school friend/classmate was killed yesterday. She was run over by a truck while she was at her mailbox. A great woman dead because of "inattentive driving". Years ago an aunt was hit and killed in the breakdown lane of I-80 while trying to help a stranded motorist. In another state, a favorite cousin was mowed down by a drunk driver. Such a waste.

Seems we should be grateful for those blue lights behind us. Not only is the general public being protected, we are being guided away from behaviors that can lead to a lifetime of regret.

Rest in Peace L.F.

Watch Out!!

A legendary auto sales trainer, Jackie Cooper, was fond of saying, "Winners do what losers won't". Combine that outlook with tunnel vision, no patience, and less than stellar driving skills and you have a considerable "downside" potential. Over the years I have been banned from driving vehicles up display stands and pulling trailers.

My first ban came after a customer expressed a desire to see the underside of a 4x4. The shop was closed but a display stand was open so I pulled the truck up the ramp to the stand. Unfortunately I drove off the side of the ramp and the truck landed on its side. Took a wrecker to set it upright. While waiting for the wrecker, the customer was able to examine the underside to his complete satisfaction. After making a price reduction we made the sale.

The trailer ban came about when a problem kept the customer from taking a 40' tilt bed trailer home. I agreed to deliver it the next day. The fact I had never pulled that long a trailer didn't seem important until I turned a corner too short and dragged a new car into another new car with the trailer wheels. The trailer wasn't damaged and I was able to deliver the trailer without wrecking anything else. My employer then banned me from ever pulling a trailer. Of course, these things get forgotten in the heat of battle and, over a span of several years, he had four more reasons to keep the ban in effect.

In the next few weeks I need to trailer a Class B RV from Pierre, SD to Colorado but am having a difficult time borrowing a truck and trailer. I thought these people were my friends!