Persians

A trip down memory lane prompted by comments exchanges with Virtual Mirage (LL). http://symbolic-mirage.blogspot.com/.

The retail car sales game is chaotic for the most part but one hard and fast rule seems to be found anywhere in the country; the deal comes first! When a salesperson has a customer sitting at a desk and figures are being discussed at the “tower” with whoever is “desking” the deal (sales manager) no one interrupts.  Woe is he who violates this rule.

This incident went down in a Seattle suburb involving the sales manager, “Beefy Boy”, a wholesaler of Iranian origins, and myself, “The Tank”. 

Beefy Boy was a shot putter in college and was on the scrubbed  Moscow Olympics Team. He outweighed me by fifty pounds or so but gave me my nickname after a scuffle in 1986 when we were both mere salesmen. He ended up on his butt. When he got up, he said, “Damn you are a tank”. (Thankfully, two managers had put themselves between us).

The building we worked from was built on a slope with the rear portion some ten feet above the ground. Large windows were along one wall and left open in the summer as we didn’t have a/c.

The Iranian was an arrogant asshole and thought the rules didn’t apply to him. He and Beefy Boy did coke together, among other things, and he forgot his place in the scheme of things.

I was selling a car and Beefy Boy was desking the deal. The Iranian kept interrupting. Wanted to conclude his business and be on his way. Upon his third interruption, I threw his scrawny 200 lb ass out the window. Ten feet down he landed in blackberry bushes. Turning back to Beefy Boy, I snarled, “Now desk my damn deal”. He did.

The Iranian took it upon himself to complain to the General Manager. That got him banned from the premises for six months. I got an “attaboy” from the GM and Beefy Boy got an ass chewing he didn’t soon forget. The sale? Closed it on the third “pencil” for a nice gross and helped me be top salesman for the weekend (worth $200).

In today’s environment I probably would have ended up in jail convicted of a “hate” crime.

My “attaboy” wouldn’t have sounded like one to an outside observer. That same observer wouldn’t understand, “YOU kinky motherfucker”,  is high praise. Like most activities, the car biz is a world unto itself.

Just a bit of free advice about car dealerships. Put some work in before you go “looking”. I always appreciated an “adult” customer who came in prepared. Time is money and a quick transaction will usually result in a fair deal for the customer. If I have to be your “adult”, your “parent”, you will pay for my time and knowledge. Plus, if you are stupid about finances, I will certainly let you be stupid. Real world people, unless you can find Unicorn Motors.