Many people
go through life never needing a lawyer. That doesn’t describe me. You can bad
mouth lawyers all you want, until you need one, then you bad mouth the inept,
uncaring, and unprofessional one you selected. Rightfully so. Since I spent
thirty some years as one of those horrid used car salesman, I have some empathy
for lawyers.
My first
long encounter with the legal profession was when a contractor, doing
demolition work they weren’t qualified to do, managed to dump a large structure
into a building my employer was using. The contractor then compounded the
problem by sitting on their collective asses for a few weeks. My employer’s law
firm, Clusterfuck LLC, displayed such incompetence, other than generating
billable hours, that I wouldn’t have trusted them to properly procure a pet
license.
First
personal encounter involved a complex financial situation. My wife and I fully
disclosed all the facts, and clearly stated our desired outcome. We negotiated
a set fee for the service, and paid 75% in advance. When the matter was resolved,
we immediately paid the balance due. The law firm then tried to bill us for
additional fees, arguing the case was more complex than they thought, and that
they had spent far more time on it than anticipated. We said no. That dispute
went to arbitration with the bar association. My wife and I prevailed.
One of my
sons decided it was cool to drink and drive. Three arrests later he finally got
his head straight. The lawyer I paid to represent him kept him out of jail, got
him into the right kind of probation programs, and got one charge dismissed.
Horridly expensive, but the lawyer delivered.
Yes, I know,
tough love; let him suffer the consequences, yada, yada. Walk in my shoes first.
The next one
involved child custody, and getting my grand children away from the birth
mother, permanently. Took months, and thousands of dollars, but the lawyer my
son found won custody for him. Later, another lawyer got her parental rights
permanently ended, and made it possible for my daughter in law to adopt them.
Again, thousands of dollars spent but the end result was worth it.
Onward,
after my mother was moved into a long term care facility, real estate
speculators, in collusion with a building inspector, tried to grab her house.
The city, with no notice, cut the power line and shut off the water. They had a
demolition contractor standing by. Once again, a good lawyer helped us stop the
action. The house is still standing, and the greedy ones still haven’t turned
the block into a strip mall. In fact, an office building the built across the
street was vacant for four years. Made my heart glad every time I drove by. The
political fallout was large. My sister, who makes an enraged pit bull look
tame, used her years of building political influence to bring doom on the city
employees.
I worked
with a man who put himself through law school while selling cars. Spent years
driving from Denver to Laramie, WY to the UW Law School for classes. I was
cited for 84 MPH in a 65MPH zone. Mega dollars, and worse, mega points. Monte
gave me the “brother in law” rate. Got the charge down to driving too fast for
the conditions (dry and 90 degrees!) and three points. Still at lot of dollars,
but the points were critical to me. Later, Monte handled a pesky failure to
appear on a seat belt violation for my youngest. Seems the seat belt deal was a
secondary offense, and the officer didn’t note what prompted the traffic stop,
nor did he issue a citation for anything but the seat belt. Of course, my son
shouldn’t have blown off the court appearance. He did have a good excuse! Once
again, the application of dollars made it all go away.
When I deal
with any professional, I will clearly state my desired outcome. “You’re the
doctor, you’re the lawyer, or you’re the insurance agent”, isn’t happening with
me. I hire them to tell me how to achieve what I want, not to tell me what I
should do. The good ones don’t mind. The drones do, and that helps me weed them
out.
Would I like
to have all those dollars spent back in my pocket? Damn right, I would. Would I
want to live with the consequences of not doing what I did? Hell no.
Don’t like
your outcome? Bitch. Start with the state bar association. They want to keep
their self regulation status, and they will investigate. They may not find In
your favor, but it will go on record, and it just may prevent the s.o.b. from
ever becoming a judge or magistrate.
My version
of hell on earth is to be in a situation where the opposing lawyers have no
interest in settling, so long as they keep generating billable time, and their client
has no skin in the game, i.e., a public or government entity.
YMMV.
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