Confession of a Latter Day Luddite

As someone who resists new technologies and grudging learns the minimum skills necessary, my aversion doesn’t prevent me from staying alive.

CPAP

Been using one since 1995. My sister and other relatives believe untreated sleep apnea complications killed my father at age 64.

For several reasons I took the test at home. Ghastly, no one told me about shaving the areas the electrodes were glued to. The next afternoon the physician who ran the sleep clinic called and insisted I immediately come to his office. I demurred, and he became so insistent he threatened to send an ambulance and police officers. OK, I went in.

The meeting proceeded along these lines.

“You have sleep apnea. In fact, you have the worst case I’ve ever seen. I’m amazed you are still functioning.”

He followed up with a screen showing my test results. Sensing he wasn’t getting through to me, he elaborated.

“Fool, I predict you will, within the next six months, have a major medical episode. It may be today, it may be next month, but it will happen within six months. If you are lucky, it will kill you. More likely you will be left severely disabled. You do have someone who can give you skilled nursing care 24 hours a day, don’t you?”

Damn, wished I could hire him as a salesman for our car lot!

“No”, was my reply. “And my options would be?”

I slept with a CPAP that night, and have ever since.

As an aside, CPAPs are a pain in the ass. You just do it.

Three years ago I developed brandycardia, a condition where your heartbeat is so slow insufficient blood flows to the brain and you faint. Ended up with a pacemaker. The second item in the picture is a pacemaker monitor. Using a tablet and WiFi, my pacemaker can be monitored from home.

 Once a year, the cardiologists wants to see me in her office. Otherwise, every three months the check can be done from home with the device.

This contraption required I purchase a tablet, and a Red Bull double latte with ++++ as a bribe to my sister’s adopted daughter who is my techie. She got the app downloaded and installed on the tablet. After only three or four tries, I’m able to use the devices and complete the test.

I don’t use the tablet for any other purposes. My sister says it is a mini computer. Surely she is correct, and surely I don’t give a rat’s ass.

It is probable I still have PTSD from using MS-DOS in the 70’s.

The smart phone needed for my employment has bazillion apps. I use four or five, grudgingly.

Still haven’t programmed the remote for the flat screen TV recently purchased and seldom watched.

In summary, I learn just enough to get by and stay alive. Probably speaks to lack of character and perseverance. Like I give a shit.

Sleep Apnea

A relative suggested I write about my experiences with obstructive sleep apnea. You can find more information at

http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/sleep-apnea

I have always been a heavy snorer. This caused many personal problems with other people trying to sleep in my vicinity (camping trips, house guest, military barracks) and was a huge negative in my marriage.

My father died in his sleep at age 64. He was very fit. His Levi’s waistband was probably within one inch from his twenties. In later years, with better information, we now realize he showed all the signs of classic sleep apnea. He was a loud snorer. If you know someone who snores, who stops breathing for a minute or two, then snores again, they need to be checked. That minute or two is the only time they are completely asleep.

By 1995, my problem had grown so bad I fell asleep at red lights. I once fell asleep on a test drive; my customers woke me up. My general manager called me in. He pointed out we had HMO health coverage. He flat put it to me, get tested NOW or get fired.

Boring, but typical story, navigating Seattle Group Health’s rat maze, finally got me to the sleep order clinic. Much arguing led to me taking the equipment home, attaching the various leads, etc. and returning the equipment the next day (hint: Do shave the area the stickum adheres to).

Later the next day I start getting calls from the lab; they want to see me now. I’m busy and try to stall them. They finally call my boss. He explodes, tells me, “You damn mule, get your ass over there.”

At the lab, I meet the MD who is in charge. He starts off nice, showing me video screens with colored line and explains what they represent. He sees I’m not convinced so he smacked me with a 2x4 with the following.

“Mr. ______, I can tell you, with absolute certainty, that within six months you will have a major medical event. It may be today, next week, next month, but within six months it will happen. If you are lucky, it will kill you. Otherwise, you will be an invalid. You do have available to you, don’t you, constant nursing care for years to come? No, well you will require it.” Silence. (As a salesman I admired his closing skill) Finally, I said, “And my options would be?

Two days later I was using a CPAP. Other than one trip where I forgot it, one trip where I forgot the power cord, and a few nights when the power has been out, I’ve slept with a mask on my face and air blowing up my nose every since.

CPAPs and masks are a pain. You nose itches and sweats. Moving around the bed is restricted. You must make up your mind that you will use it, period, no excuses or rationalizations. CPAPs add new considerations for travel. Security check points, weight and space problems, and where is an outlet? I pack a 25’ drop cord to insure reaching an outlet. As an aside, I end up looking behind night stands and under beds for outlets. Rarely are those areas clean in the motels. Camping, or sleeping anywhere with out power, is a problem. Most CPAPs are set up to run on 12 volts. How far do you want to pack a battery? After one night, how do you recharge it?

For me, the biggest hassle has been dealing with the medical folks and, especially the medical appliances folks. Need a replacement anything? We want a prescription. Prescription? Need a new sleep study (at about $5,000 or so).

I love Craigslist, Google, and Ebay. All of my replacement CPAPs I’ve found on Craigslist. Those oh so secret adjustment manual the respiratory techs use are on Ebay. Now, I would happily pay the techs for their expertise if it didn’t come with the whole “need a prescription” deal. I can hear them saying now, “But we are required …………”. You are, I’m not. I’m a scofflaw.

The principal benefit to using the CPAP is, I’m still alive. Within the first six months, I lost over a 100 lbs. My blood pressure normalized (for me, 170/95 - bite me). My energy level zoomed. My sex drive became stronger; horny as a teenager (bit of a problem as I was divorced). According to those who had to deal with me, my personality went from “Impossible” to “Aggravating”.

I’ve never used things like humidifiers and supplemental oxygen. My nose won’t tolerate Nasal Pillows. I see ads for non CPAP solutions but have never perused them. What I have works for me.

Hope this can help anyone dealing with sleep problems, themselves or people in their lives. The machines have improved, and their size and weight are down. For some, surgery can help.

For those without health insurance, you may need to go the self help route. Google is your friend. Don’t fear it. My experience is the machines won’t produce enough pressure to harm your lungs. Crank it up till the mask starts fluttering then turn it down a notch or two.