Confession of a Latter Day Luddite

As someone who resists new technologies and grudging learns the minimum skills necessary, my aversion doesn’t prevent me from staying alive.

CPAP

Been using one since 1995. My sister and other relatives believe untreated sleep apnea complications killed my father at age 64.

For several reasons I took the test at home. Ghastly, no one told me about shaving the areas the electrodes were glued to. The next afternoon the physician who ran the sleep clinic called and insisted I immediately come to his office. I demurred, and he became so insistent he threatened to send an ambulance and police officers. OK, I went in.

The meeting proceeded along these lines.

“You have sleep apnea. In fact, you have the worst case I’ve ever seen. I’m amazed you are still functioning.”

He followed up with a screen showing my test results. Sensing he wasn’t getting through to me, he elaborated.

“Fool, I predict you will, within the next six months, have a major medical episode. It may be today, it may be next month, but it will happen within six months. If you are lucky, it will kill you. More likely you will be left severely disabled. You do have someone who can give you skilled nursing care 24 hours a day, don’t you?”

Damn, wished I could hire him as a salesman for our car lot!

“No”, was my reply. “And my options would be?”

I slept with a CPAP that night, and have ever since.

As an aside, CPAPs are a pain in the ass. You just do it.

Three years ago I developed brandycardia, a condition where your heartbeat is so slow insufficient blood flows to the brain and you faint. Ended up with a pacemaker. The second item in the picture is a pacemaker monitor. Using a tablet and WiFi, my pacemaker can be monitored from home.

 Once a year, the cardiologists wants to see me in her office. Otherwise, every three months the check can be done from home with the device.

This contraption required I purchase a tablet, and a Red Bull double latte with ++++ as a bribe to my sister’s adopted daughter who is my techie. She got the app downloaded and installed on the tablet. After only three or four tries, I’m able to use the devices and complete the test.

I don’t use the tablet for any other purposes. My sister says it is a mini computer. Surely she is correct, and surely I don’t give a rat’s ass.

It is probable I still have PTSD from using MS-DOS in the 70’s.

The smart phone needed for my employment has bazillion apps. I use four or five, grudgingly.

Still haven’t programmed the remote for the flat screen TV recently purchased and seldom watched.

In summary, I learn just enough to get by and stay alive. Probably speaks to lack of character and perseverance. Like I give a shit.