More Evil Car Salesmen Stories (Vulgar and Profane)

My friend, Dirty Al, is the best car salesman I’ve ever met. He got his start with Ralph Williams. Some insight.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK6BksCzTKs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVmNzoy6HKI

Neither of us ever worked for this guy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voW0L4EN8OY&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOsLdT4slsk&feature=related

Reminiscing with Dirty Al, the subject turned to Arthur Floyd Kinsman, “The working man’s friend. Bring your trade and your wife and we’ll dicker.”

He was among  the most outrageous individuals I knew in the car business. Art was a decorated  Korea War Marine,  former Green Bay Packer guard, and had one of the foulest mouths I’ve  ever heard.

Some of the stories are beyond belief. Once he said to Sam M., while working a deal,  “I want you to tell your customer I want a sample of what he is smoking”. A few minutes later Sam dropped a baggie on Art’s desk. “Get that shit out of here”, Art roared.

Once  he was filling in for my manager. It was early morning and the store was empty except for a customer I had in the upstairs office and the customer's friend sitting in a corner of the showroom. The customer had rejected our first two offers. In a loud voice that echoed in the store, Art instructed me, “You go tell that banko faggot that we are the only fucking place that can get him financed and that is the fucking deal.”   After sitting down across from the customer, I said, “Ah, Milo.”  “I heard”, snarled Milo. “Where do I sign”?

Another time, unknown to the salesman and Art, a customer followed the salesman and stood just outside the entrance to the sales tower.

“Art”, said the salesman, “She wants the keys to her trade. She wants to leave”.  “Yeah”, said Art. “What does the little cunt really want”? Stepping into the tower, the customer said, “This cunt wants her keys.”  “I know that”, snarled Art. “What is it going to take to earn your business”?

At a slow off site sale, Al was on the P.A. system trying to stir excitement. He would announce a non existent sale as, “Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Johnson. They just bought a new Toyota”! All of us were to applaud. Then he announced, “Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Heater. They just bought a new Peugeot”!  (Heater, in car lingo, is a unhappy and irate customer)

Art taught me bore and stroke; down payment and monthly payment. Get the customer focused on that portion of the deal and you will make the deal.  He wouldn’t lose a deal over profit. He would say, “I’ll take a $300 deal, It is all iron, and I can get more iron. But, before I take a $300 deal, I’ll grind their tits off for four hours.”

Art’s time was before Customer Satisfaction scores became a big deal. He liked me; liked I averaged one chest bumping or fist fight a month with other salesmen. Art, the Pritchmeyer, and I, probably paid more in store fines (involuntary charity contributions) than anyone else in the organization (and I was in a distant third place).

Art lived large and died young. He strongly influenced scores of salespeople in the Seattle area. The man was without pretense; you knew exactly where you stood with him.  His highest praise? “You kinky mother fucker,” when you explained how you closed a sale.

Hope this post got a laugh or two. Serious times in our country but we still need to laugh.

Thanks, Google

Noticed the number of comments have dropped off. Seems Google is deciding what is spam; essentially, everything that is "Anonymous". Wish I had an answer. The blog gets more page views in Russia than anywhere else. Can't believe what I rant about is of any interest to Eastern Europeans but may be of interest to professional spammers.

The only comments I ever delete are ones that are clearly spam. If you have commented, and don't see your comment, thank Google.

Shot or Hung? Which Preference?

Redistricting moved me from one Congressional District (CO 7th) to another (CO 6th).

What a wonderful choice, albeit stark, I have this year. The incumbent, Mike Coffman ® is a way out right wing evangelical extremist. Has no problem trying to legislate his religious beliefs into law. One of the backers of the “Personhood Amendment”. That would normally keep me from voting for him.

 Personal note. I am not in favor of abortion but think the Supreme Court got it right in Roe vs. Wade; it is privacy issue between the woman and her physician.

Enter the Democrat candidate, Joe Miklosi, a proud Progressive who thinks Obama is too conservative.  He spent time in the State Legislature, rose to leadership,  and brags about what a fighter he is. Of course, the legislature didn’t accomplish squat because of all the infighting. That was the fault of the Republicans, the “Tea Party”, etc. stubbornness. Certainly not “Fighting Joe’s” leadership. Nor his enthusiastic support of every tax increase bill introduced by any party member. Not one word is his campaign propaganda about bridging differences.

There are two other candidates, a former Democrat and the Libertarian dilettante, that don’t resonate with me.

I think a vote for Coffman is a vote against Obama so that is the way I will go. Just wish, for once, I could vote for someone that doesn’t make me gag.

SHTF Warning

Today, had a glimpse of what I might face in a home town SHTF scenario
.
Main East-west four lane street was blocked for two hours for the high school home coming parade.  Traffic was diverted to residential side streets. Chaos. Drivers blowing through four way stops, ignoring pedestrians in marked cross walks, driving past “Road Closed” signs and barriers, etc. Then, to add to the misery,  the Union Pacific had two trains passing which takes about twenty minutes. All this without a fear factor. My abode is right in the middle of this clusterfuck.

I’ve always had an escape plan but need to review it. Looking now at dropping the neighbors fence to access the alley which leads to side streets. Forcing my way onto the street by the house will only put me in gridlock.

Unlike most people, I don’t plan  to “head for the hills”. Too few roads and only three year around passes over the Rockies.  Instead, I will head East towards the Great Plains. First obstacle, an Interstate Highway with four bridges. Past that, numerous all weather dirt county roads and farm land with lanes give lots of escape routes.

There are scores of windmill supplied stock watering tanks. Probably potable water but I have my purification equipment.  Lots of folds in the land to park and conceal a vehicle and pitch a tent if need be. Go to ground for a few days and let the panic wash by. At least, that is the current plan.

No Right to a Secret Ballot

Seems everything I've ever learned about elections and the right to a secret ballot is wrong, per Federal District Court Judge Christine Arquello, a Bush appointee consider by Obama for the Supreme Court.

     http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_21601455?source=pop_section_news

   Can't wrap my mind around this one.

"Racist" Rant

This is where I go off on one of my  muddy, convoluted, political rants. You are warned.

My late father served in the CBI Theater (China, India, Burma) during World War II.  Although he only had an 8th grade education, he had a gift for mathematics and languages. He was quickly fluent in the dialect of the Assam region of India and got to know many of the locals on a social basis. I hasten to add, these were the poor people.

One thing he taught my sister and I was this. “The only thing an Asian understands is a boot on his neck and rice in his belly. If either is missing, look out! The only thing they respect is power.”

Now we have the Lightbringer wanting to change the world. Appears weak. Any surprise that the Islamists are running amok?

Now it is not good for the Christian's health
To hustle the Aryan brown,
For the Christian riles and the Aryan smiles,
And it weareth the Christian down.
And the end of the fight
Is a tombstone white
With the name of the late deceased
And the epitaph drear: "A fool lies here
who tried to hustle the East."
Rudyard Kipling

My father also believed the stupidest thing the USA could do was engage in an Asian land war. Nothing I’ve seen in my life makes me think he was wrong.

We need to hit these bastards hard. Carpet bombing the Baka valley and the Hezbollah will be a good start. Hit and get out. No troops on the ground. Apply the boot, hard.

Won’t happen with the Lightbringer. The hit on Ben Laden started while he was playing golf. By the time he got back, he couldn’t stop it without looking like the puke he really is.

Is this the cure? No, only a stop gap. The cure is to stop depending on Middle East oil and to stop the façade of “foreign aid”. Most “foreign aid” is spent to buy production from our industrial output and “give” it to other countries. A far better explanation than I will ever give can be found here.

http://azizonomics.com/2012/09/14/this-is-blowback/

Long article but worth the read.

When the “Progressives” rant about the 1%, I’m in agreement. Where I part ways with them is in the possible solutions. They want to replace the 1% with themselves and tell the rest of us how to live. That is like having a choice of which cancer you want with no chance to not have cancer.

Obama or Romney? Romney will slow, not cure, the rot. Maybe buy enough time for better solutions. A good start will be abolishing the Federal Reserve Bank and the thieving financial system it allows to operate.

As always, your mileage may differ.

Meeting the Colorado State Patrol

Had a meeting with a Colorado State Trooper Wednesday night. Small matter of speeding was the reason.

Highway 285 from Evergreen to Fairplay  is one steep hill after another with many wicked curves in the Foothills Southeast of Denver. With all the years of development in the area, there are numerous driveways, feeder roads and county highways along the route. The general speed limit is 55 mph. At night, the road is lousy with deer and an occasional elk.

A fun road on a motorcycle or sporty car, it isn’t much fun in a 1 ton Econoline with weight aboard. The Econoline is to sports cars what Karen Lewis, Chicago Teachers Union President, is to Sports Illustrated swimsuit models.

With the GPS units now in the company vehicles, I’ve  been paying much closer attention to my speed. Climbing a steep hill section, I didn’t get off the throttle as I came over the crest. The trooper was sitting in a driveway just over the crest. Must have been an unmarked car as the reflective tape on most patrol cars can be seen as far away as your lights reach.

Two miles down the road I was totally surprised when his lights came on. Damn, I’m getting old.  After pulling over, I immediately turned on my interior lights, rolled down the window, and had my hands on top of the  steering wheel as he came to the window. After he introduced himself and told me why he stopped me (65 mph), he took a close look at my eyes and took a deep breath through his nose. Seeing I was sober, he said he wasn’t going to cite me. Then he saw the PUC and DOT stuff on the door. Said if he had seen that he wouldn’t have stopped me at all. He had followed me for two miles while I was doing the speed limit. He didn’t say it, but I’m sure he was looking for drunks, not  overage hotshot freight drivers.

With the commercial truck wrinkle, he had about thirty minutes of paperwork to do, log books, bill of ladings, DOT physical card, drivers license, registration, insurance cards, and safety inspection documents to examine and a report to prepare. At the end, no citation and no infractions against the company; just a report to be filed within 15 days.

One thing I noticed was he never had his back to me on all the trips back to his car.  Totally professional, he was courteous and pleasant the entire time (as was I).

I remarked on his accent. Seems he was from England and had been a policeman there, in Bermuda, and elsewhere. He has worked in five countries; his way of getting to see the world.

I really don’t like being stopped by the police. That said, it doesn’t get better than this.