Sunday, December 13, 2020

Mental Rambling


Recent days have found me traveling down mental paths I’ve rarely traveled. This isn’t something I’m trying to do. Rather, the memories come unbidden and are events from the past I haven’t thought about in years.

An example. Working at a Ford dealership along with some thirty other salespeople was a woman who hated me. Why I didn’t know, and didn’t care, as she was one of many who envied my success. One day my wife had brought me something and this woman cornered her and fed her several lies about my  actions with other women (which were strictly business – I was a faithful husband). My wife, rather than immediately confronting me, let these lies fester for weeks before bring them up with me. Why, thirty five years later, do I remember this in detail?

Another trip down memory lane is even older, a trivial event from my Army enlistment. No blood, guts, gore, or even danger and too boring to detail here. Yet, it moved through my mind for a couple of hours.

I haven’t felt like blogging or even commenting on other’s blogs. Please, no mistake, I read each and every one completely even to following links.

Current rants are on Facebook along with memes taken from other bloggers, especially LL. Most rants are just a few lines.

Two ideas about why I’m experiencing these memories have occurred to me.

The first is I’m angry beyond belief about the election and the direction the country is headed. What level is my responsibility for fucking up my grandchildren and great grandchildren’s future?

The second is my mind is putting my affairs in order. Much like I have wills and legal documents waiting for when I shuffle off, maybe there is a need for “mental estate” planning. Weird thought, no?

My health is generally good. Blood pressure is, if anything, on the low side. Under my primary care provider, I’m slowly eliminating or greatly decreasing prescription medications. I walk twice a day, weather permitting, and alcohol consumption is one 8 oz glass of red wine in the evening and 4 oz of Amaretto before bedtime. All my blood test results have my primary care Doc smiling.

So, am I getting ready to check out? I hope not, but I don’t fear it.

If you have come this far, please understand I’m not seeking sympathy. If anything, this is an apology for not being more engaging with other bloggers.


drjim said...

I've been doing the same thing the last year or so. Going over the good and the bad, my mistakes and successes, chances not taken, career paths that could have been wildly different, the whole nine yards.

The whole "Internal File Sorting"is a bit spooky, and I attribute some of it to not having my bunch of old cronies to hang out with.....

Well Seasoned Fool said...

What bothers me most is I'm not doing it on purpose. I hate being out of control.

Ami said...

I've been doing that quite a bit, too. I think the state of things.. pandemic, election craziness, the cutthroat way people are treating each other... the refusal to see what others are experiencing.

I'm also sad over the lines of people lining up for food, the local people who are asking for things like pajamas for their kids for Christmas. They're not even asking for more than that.

I've been considering my own mortality since July and the BP debacle. Things are fine, but???

A lot of my friends are doing this deep thinking, too.
A secondary epidemic?

Well Seasoned Fool said...

A secondary epidemic?

Food for thought.

RHT447 said...

Our minds wander to strange places when we feel depressed and isolated. Could this be part of their plan?

I have remarked elsewhere that we are expecting our first grandchild. I feel like the first thing I should do when the little guy arrives is apologize. As you said, anger beyond belief, beyond words. At 3000 ft/sec., give or take.

My current favorite red is this one--

Current vintage is 2019, still some 2018 around. Older is better. All decant well.

Weatherman said...

I find this blog to be extremely interesting

drjim said...

Yeah, I know the feeling. I'm not doing it on purpose, either, but these things just pop up out of nowhere, and if I don't catch myself, I'm off and running.

Thanks for bringing this up. Now that I'm aware it's not just me, I'll divert it when it happens again.

My best buddy used to call it the "What If?" game, and said it would just lead to despair.

Well Seasoned Fool said...

Good points all. For many years I've tried to achieve complete focus on the task at hand, with a lot of success. It comes as a surprise when I can't.

Thank you. Please try some of the blogs I follow. Much better wordsmiths than my scribbling.

Your buddy was wise.

Old NFO said...

It's the time of the year. I think some of those same 'thoughts/memories' come to us all around this time. Nostalgia, childhood memories? Who knows. I just know you're not the only one that doesn't like what they are seeing...

Well Seasoned Fool said...

You may be correct and few thinking people like what they are seeing. I keep reminding myself little is accomplished by being a keyboard commando. But what?