More Evil Car Salesmen Stories (Vulgar and Profane)

My friend, Dirty Al, is the best car salesman I’ve ever met. He got his start with Ralph Williams. Some insight.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK6BksCzTKs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVmNzoy6HKI

Neither of us ever worked for this guy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voW0L4EN8OY&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOsLdT4slsk&feature=related

Reminiscing with Dirty Al, the subject turned to Arthur Floyd Kinsman, “The working man’s friend. Bring your trade and your wife and we’ll dicker.”

He was among  the most outrageous individuals I knew in the car business. Art was a decorated  Korea War Marine,  former Green Bay Packer guard, and had one of the foulest mouths I’ve  ever heard.

Some of the stories are beyond belief. Once he said to Sam M., while working a deal,  “I want you to tell your customer I want a sample of what he is smoking”. A few minutes later Sam dropped a baggie on Art’s desk. “Get that shit out of here”, Art roared.

Once  he was filling in for my manager. It was early morning and the store was empty except for a customer I had in the upstairs office and the customer's friend sitting in a corner of the showroom. The customer had rejected our first two offers. In a loud voice that echoed in the store, Art instructed me, “You go tell that banko faggot that we are the only fucking place that can get him financed and that is the fucking deal.”   After sitting down across from the customer, I said, “Ah, Milo.”  “I heard”, snarled Milo. “Where do I sign”?

Another time, unknown to the salesman and Art, a customer followed the salesman and stood just outside the entrance to the sales tower.

“Art”, said the salesman, “She wants the keys to her trade. She wants to leave”.  “Yeah”, said Art. “What does the little cunt really want”? Stepping into the tower, the customer said, “This cunt wants her keys.”  “I know that”, snarled Art. “What is it going to take to earn your business”?

At a slow off site sale, Al was on the P.A. system trying to stir excitement. He would announce a non existent sale as, “Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Johnson. They just bought a new Toyota”! All of us were to applaud. Then he announced, “Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Heater. They just bought a new Peugeot”!  (Heater, in car lingo, is a unhappy and irate customer)

Art taught me bore and stroke; down payment and monthly payment. Get the customer focused on that portion of the deal and you will make the deal.  He wouldn’t lose a deal over profit. He would say, “I’ll take a $300 deal, It is all iron, and I can get more iron. But, before I take a $300 deal, I’ll grind their tits off for four hours.”

Art’s time was before Customer Satisfaction scores became a big deal. He liked me; liked I averaged one chest bumping or fist fight a month with other salesmen. Art, the Pritchmeyer, and I, probably paid more in store fines (involuntary charity contributions) than anyone else in the organization (and I was in a distant third place).

Art lived large and died young. He strongly influenced scores of salespeople in the Seattle area. The man was without pretense; you knew exactly where you stood with him.  His highest praise? “You kinky mother fucker,” when you explained how you closed a sale.

Hope this post got a laugh or two. Serious times in our country but we still need to laugh.