I am a Democrat -Yuck!

Daily I receive emails from various Democrat groups. The overall theme is gloating but always asking for money. This past election I held my nose and voted for McCain - the first Republican I voted for since Ford.

I think Obama is going to make the left real unhappy; that he will "betray" them. What do they expect from a Chicago politician? As a Bluedog Dem, the names Pelosi, Schumer and Reid make my gut hurt.

My District 7 Congressman doesn't think anyone needs an "assault rifle". His GOP opponent this past election was long on rhetoric (His web page headlined, "My opponent is a life long bureaucrat") and short on solutions. We need good bureaucrats to get the public works done (roads, schools, insurance companies, corporate management, etc.). He never said he was a bad bureaucrat. As a 2nd amendment supporter it bothered me to vote for Perlmutter but his opponent was the worst kind of Republican; don't think, don't find a middle ground - it's my way or the highway, Tom Delay type. Of course, Pelosi is the same. Different politics but the same methods.

I really dislike all the Bushes. Long time Coloradians may understand what I mean when I call them sleazy Texas slickers. George the Elder was CIA head at the end of Vietnam. Seems he was in a good position to do something about our MIA/POWs. He did squat! Son Neal? Hello, Silverardo Savings and Loan.
Then there is George the 2nd. He puked his National Guard assignment then went on to create a 100 year debt for Texans to build a baseball stadium.

The question for me is where does the conservative democrat fit?

Dirty Al Gets Spun

Dirty Al had a diesel powered Mercedes with low compression. To turn the engine fast enough for it to start he had the trunk full of batteries. At every opportunity he plugged in the block heater. Our dealership had two building across a busy four lane street. The building across from Al's had an outlet in the parking area that was also covered by a large deck. The area served as a smoking area. This was the owner's wife's reserved parking spot. When she left for the day he would move his car to her parking space and plug in his block heater and multiple battery chargers.

One evening I told Al, "Dan (the GM) just called and he is hot! Someone is parked in L's space and he has called a tow truck". Al goes crazy shouting, "I was told I could park there when she isn't here", and runs out the door. Crossing the four lane street took time; you needed to go to the corner and wait for the traffic light.

That gave me time to alert the GM.

The GM had been taken in by Al's spin to the point he had called his wife with the news. Payback time.

When Al came puffing up to his car, the GM was nearby smoking. "Dan", Al called out, "I need to talk to you"! "Not now', was the reply, "I'm waiting for a tow truck". The more Al protested, the more insistent the GM was he didn't have time for, "Your silly little problem". Ah, revenge.

Dirty Al Spin

Elaborate verbal practical jokes at our car lot were known as "spins". Among the best was put together by Dirty Al. Shortly after we opened one Sunday morning he came to my desk with the Sunday paper opened and a lottery ticket.

"Check my lottery ticket", he requested. "I don't have my glasses". He had purchased a lottery ticket that morning with the previous day's winning numbers. He was keeping me from "hawking" the telephone but the quickest way to get rid of him was to check. Not looking at the date on the ticket I checked the numbers. Shocked, I saw all six matched. For just a moment the temptation to bolt out the door with the ticket was overwhelming. Next came jealousy. I handed him his ticket and said, "Congratulations Al, looks like you have won 9 million dollars". The showroom was in an uproar with everyone congratulating Al. He started babbling in Latin and whatever other tongues he knew from being a soldier of fortune while rushing back and forth. Then he said, "No! God didn't mean this to happen" and set the ticket on fire. After two salesmen tore the ticket away from him he laughed and said, "Spun you, didn't I!" After all of us thoroughly cursed him we went back to work.

Traffic Ticket Part 2

Perry Mason here we come; Friday, March 13Th. The City Attorney offered the same deal that he gave everyone. I had to ask him to look at my "evidence". He didn't care. The Judge was doubling the fines on anyone who had a recent ticket plus costs. In my case that would be over $200. Seems like a good value bet to me.

Where is the Money?

Based on all the emails I get telling me I've won lotteries I haven't played and other windfalls, why am I not wealthy (along with everyone else)?

Traffic Ticket

I'm an unsafe driver. I speed, follow too close, use my cell phone, program my GPS, and otherwise multi task when I should pay attention to driving. This, combined with covering 30,000 miles a year on average, means many meetings with Officer Friendly. If the ticket is righteous I don't fight it too hard and never, ever argue with Officer Friendly. Courts are for arguing.

What rankles is a flat out wrong ticket like I got last week at 11:10 p.m. for running a stop sign. One, I did stop and two, the officer's view of the area behind the stop sign was blocked by a bus stop, trees, bushes and a banner welcoming the troops home. All he could see was my headlights after I entered the street.

Game on! Think Alice's Restaurant. I've taken several pictures and printed maps. Now I'm drawing arrows and writing notes. Court is 1/23/09 so will plead "Not Guilty". If I can't convince the City Attorney to drop it will get to play Perry Mason.